Unschooling a 9 month old
I have known for years that
I wanted to home educate my children, when I had them. When dh and I got
together we discussed it and he did some reading up, and he came on board
wholeheartedly.
I find I am desperate to
appear rational and reasonable to people who don’t really understand what HE is
about, and I have heard myself recite that very obvious proviso so often that I
am becoming utterly sick of it. So here it is, on record, and at least on here
I don’t have to say it again.
So why HE? This is a
question I’ll probably keep coming back to on here, but I’ll do my best to
start answering it.
I want Daniel to be able to
learn at his own pace, rather than being made to feel like a failure if he
doesn’t fit with the government’s timetable. I want him to be able to use and
develop his natural passion for learning (which every child is born with), instead
of having to abandon his interests because the timetable says it’s time for
something else. I want him to learn how to interact with people of all ages and
backgrounds, in a variety of everyday situations. I want his emotional needs to
be met so that he grows up happy, contented and emotionally literate. I want
him to see learning as part of life, not as something that happens between 9am and 3.30pm , Monday to
Friday. I want him to learn things properly, not divided into subjects, not
shut away in a classroom, not tailored to pass an exam. I want him to have the
space to grow as an individual so he can interact with his peers with
confidence instead of losing himself under the group pressure.
Apart from my own schooling
(more on that another time), in the past 6 years I have worked in a special
school, and in mainstream preschool, primary and secondary. The more time I
spent in the system, the more I felt that no school (with the possible
exception of some of the rare alternative schools) can possibly give my child
these things better than I can.
I’m not a qualified
teacher, though I have a fair amount of experience in various kinds of
teaching. Do I think that I can do the job better than a trained professional?
Well, yes. But before every teacher out there reaches for their pitchfork,
let’s look at what that question means. If I were being asked to teach the
National Curriculum to 30-35 children at a time, keeping to a timetable, while
coping with all the paperwork and pressure to tick boxes and produce
results…then no, I probably wouldn’t do nearly as well as a lot of very
dedicated, talented teachers out there who work in frankly appalling
conditions. But can I educate my child/children better at home than the system
can in a school? Yes, I believe so.
Not so long ago, I spent a
large part of my time feeling impatient for Daniel to grow up and reach the
magical age of 5 when I could finally say “We home educate”. But then I
suddenly realised – we’re already doing it! Compulsory school age may start at
5 years old, but many many children now are in nursery from just a few months
old. At 9 months and still with me full-time, Daniel is in a rapidly dwindling
minority, and by his first birthday he will be part of a rare breed, especially
as a first child. I know more mums who decide to stay at home with their second
child because childcare fees for more than one child make working no longer
economically viable. The expectation for first-time mums, though is that they
will go back within the first year. I’m not saying that they necessarily want
to – many feel very torn – but a combination of financial need and social
pressure compels them to return. The government spends huge amounts of money
and hot air subsidising nursery places and giving tax credits to working
mothers. I only wish they valued a parent’s role enough to give the same
support to those of us making the sacrifices necessary to stay at home and
raise our children rather than handing them over to the system to be brought up
by other people.
And so I now feel I can
describe myself as a home educating mum. Instead of waiting impatiently, I am
enjoying every moment of Daniel’s development, watching as he explores the
world around him and being there when he needs help or encouragement. At 9 months
old, we may not be doing the kind of things that first come to mind when I
think of HE, but we are laying the foundations.
We both feel that the approach we’re most drawn to is
autonomous/unschooling. Essentially, that means being there to guide and
facilitate, rather than to impose formal teaching. It’s what we do naturally at
the moment anyway – let him try things out for himself, even if it means
risking the odd bump or two, because that’s how he’ll learn best. I can easily
imagine that carrying on as he gets older, though we’ll see how it all goes and
what works at the time. For a really
good explanation of what unschooling is, have a look here.
In our home
educating journey, we have had a busy couple of weeks. Daniel has suddenly
learned to crawl, and over the space of a few days realised that he could use
this skill, first to get to me across a room, and then to come looking for me
when I was in a different room. He can cruise along furniture, and is working
hard on mastering stairs. Cupboard doors were thoroughly investigated at my
parents’ house, where they have handles, and he has transferred this to our
kitchen, where they don’t. Once he had learned how to open and shut them, the
contents of the saucepan/baking tray cupboard were carefully removed onto the
floor, and the resulting crashes were much enjoyed.
Food is also becoming more
interesting. We have finally made the step to regular mealtimes, although I
still breastfeed whenever he wants it. At the moment we are gluten-, dairy-,
meat-, fish-, egg-, citrus- and nut-free, which presents rather a challenge,
but with so many allergies in our family I would rather go through the hassle
for a few months now than trigger allergies that I then have to deal with for
years. Lentil bolognaise with gf pasta went down well, as did squash risotto.
We are starting to relax a bit on the gluten front and so far, so good (he had
an allergic reaction a few months ago when we first tried it). He has small
amounts of apple juice in a Doidy cup and is really getting the hang of that.
He loves sitting at the table with us and joining in the conversation – it’s
lovely to see him naturally developing those social skills by watching us and
copying what we do.
We’re using the Baby-Led
Weaning approach, and so far it’s worked beautifully. In my search for finger
food recipes, I found a website which informed parents that babies moving from
purees to more textured food will ‘always’ have difficulties at first. We have
completely bypassed that by missing out the purees altogether. I can’t honestly
think of a single food Daniel has tried so far that he hasn’t liked, and he’s
perfectly happy with a whole range of flavours, textures, shapes etc (he was a
bit perplexed by spaghetti the first time, but ate it quite happily after he’d
investigated it a bit). He uses his coughing reflex well to deal with pieces
which are too big to swallow, and considering he still has no teeth he can chew
remarkably well. Things like kale, lettuce and apple peel are a bit difficult
without teeth, but he’ll have a good go. It’s messy, but that’s what washing
machines are for!
Now I’m off to make a cup
of tea and contemplate how glad I am to be tucked up warmly at home on a
miserable, blowy, wet day. Stay dry and smiling!