Pesach (Passover) preparation is always hard, and this year had the added complications that come with the Covid-19 lockdown. Unprecedented rulings have been made by rabbis across the world, urging us to put safety first and adjust our expectations of ourselves and others in this very different year. Across the world, families came together last night via Zoom instead of in person for the huge gatherings we are used to.
Like most people, I have been very up and down dealing with the lockdown. The children actually seem to be ok, bumbling along in an unschooly kind of way that we adopt anyway from time to time when we need a break. They are getting along better and are pleased to have more Mummy time rather than being rushed from one place to another. Their cheder has moved online and they are really enjoying their weekly sessions seeing their friends and teachers, and apart from a couple of wobbly days with Daniel when the reality of an indefinite delay on his birthday party really hit him, they are coping remarkably well.
Ben spends much of his day in the garden enjoying the beautiful weather (I am so grateful for that!) At the beginning he kept asking to go to different places, and after observing Daddy leaving each morning, he thought he had it all worked out. He put his dressing gown on over his clothes (like Daddy’s big coat), put on his shoes, picked up a toy briefcase and stood by the front door announcing that he was "Ready a go to work". He was devastated when this didn’t result in the door being opened for him and spent the next hour morosely putting the contents of the vegetable rack into various carrier bags and informing me he was going shopping.
Now, though, he has found his rhythm with his balance bike and spade, and slightly more television than he is usually allowed (We’re Going on a Bear Hunt and The Tiger Who Came to Tea are particular favourites at the moment).
I have probably struggled the most. My week is usually punctuated with times when I can relax a bit with other mums while our children play, and the loss of that interaction and support feels huge. Occasional Zoom coffees just don’t quite cut it. The boys need far more of me (remember the extra Mummy time?) and by the evening I am too exhausted even to work, so I feel cut off from the one thing that makes me not just Mummy.
Strangely, preparing for Pesach this year has really helped. This is a time when I always scale back on activities to spend more time at home, and somehow it felt like much-needed permission to just let go and focus on one thing. Pesach supplies, which have caused huge stress to so many of my friends, are always scarce where we live, so I did my usual online order of matzah well in advance. I had a good stash of matzah meal and rice flour anyway, and that’s usually all we get specially.
It was the cleaning I really enjoyed. Most years, especially when we are hosting the seder, this is tinged with anxiety (not necessarily warranted!) about how visitors will judge the state of the house, which is fairly scruffy even when spotless. This year, I was doing it just for me, for the fulfilment of getting ready for a festival that makes us acknowledge and reflect upon how different life is when faced with challenges and difficulties. My Pesach cleaning varies from one year to the next and doesn’t come close to what my Orthodox friends do. This year I chose to focus on my cleaning bucket list. All the fiddly little bits of tidying that usually get missed - the key pot that is lined with a deep litter of paperclips, coins, rubber bands and Lego bricks; the shelf just out of Ben’s reach used as a safe not-so-temporary home for a variety of pebbles, paperwork, more Lego, sunglasses and Deutschmarks (used as play money); the spectacular array of toys, bike helmets, books, footwear, plastic bowls and yet more Lego that collects under the sofas. Bit by bit, I plodded through these small (and sometimes not so small) fiddly jobs, and the whole vibe of those rooms started to improve. We moved the sofas completely and vacuumed behind them, took all the cushions off and cleaned under them (I am lucky to have three children who love getting a chance to use the hoover). Every moveable piece of furniture was moved and cleaned, cobwebs were swept from the corners of the ceiling, windowframes and doors were wipes down, objects were rehomed. And even though I skipped some parts of cleaning the kitchen that I would usually consider to be non-negotiable, by the time we started the seder I felt ready.
Thanks to Zoom, we shared our seder with some of the people close to us. Adam sang Mah Nishtana (what a difference it makes teaching it to a child who can more or less read Hebrew!), Ben was utterly astonished and then highly amused at everyone walloping each other with spring onions during Dayeinu, and the children rediscovered their love of charoset (DH makes it to his family’s recipe, and it is always spot on) and freshly grated horseradish. Our family haggadah, created over the last few years, was easy to email for everyone to use.
And today we have my favourite part - sitting back with a deep sense of peace, knowing it is all done, the house is clean, the laundry caught up on. Today we will just spend time together and relax into this strange new life, because Pesach teaches us that this is a time different to all others. I don’t expect it to last (the peace or the clean house) but I am enjoying it while it does.
Disclaimer: Before you start cursing me and my clean house, please be aware that the upstairs remains, in the words of Katie Morag, an absolute midden. I may make a start on it tomorrow. Equally, I may not.
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